Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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