chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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