There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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