Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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