she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
