I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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