just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
