Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
