I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
