Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
