I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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