she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
