Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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