She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
