fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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