So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
