Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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