We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
