I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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