you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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