Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
