Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
