just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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