remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
