yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
