the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
