See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
