We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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