I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
