I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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