We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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