I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
