I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
