The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Text me some of your sweat
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