sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
where are my eyebrows?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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