well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
