It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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