I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
