You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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