You really coming over, don't trick.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
