She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
