no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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