Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
