I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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