shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
