Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
