i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we're so committed to being not committed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
