I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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