You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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