My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
