Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
